Is that dream about your ex making you crazy? I know what you’re thinking. You woke up feeling your subconscious Ninja-ed your brain! You’re adamant it’s over. You washed your hands of that emotional mess a long time ago. So, why are you experiencing nighttime visions of a former love at all?
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex? Table of Contents
- What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex? Common Assumptions
- Triggers for Dreaming about an Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
- What Does It Mean When I Dream about My Ex: Personalizing Interpretations
- Grief & The Dream About an Ex
- The Dream about an Ex Boyfriend Wanting You Back: Healing & Acceptance
- Recurring Dreams about an Ex Boyfriend: What Repeating Dreams Mean
- Why Do I Have Dreams About My Ex Girlfriend Returning? Reflections
- What Does It Mean to Dream about Your Ex & Will It Come True?
- Why Do I Keep Dreaming about My Ex Girlfriend: Hope or Obession
- Recurrent Dreams about Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend & Why They Happen
- Sex with the Ex Boyfriend: Wishfulfillment or Unresolved Feelings?
- Why Do I Keep Dreaming about My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend When I’m Over Them?
- The Dream about the Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Life Insights
- Feelings on Dreaming about an Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Examining Your Emotions
- Carl Jung On the ‘Why Am I Dreaming About My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend’ Question
- Jung Explains Dreaming about My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Experiences
- Why Do You Keep Dreaming about Your Ex: Dealing with Unresolved Business
- Dreaming about the Past and Your Ex: Reliving Experiences & Making Connections
- Dreams of Having Sex with an Ex: Wish Fulfillment & Experimentation
- Dreams About Sex with the Ex Girlfriend: Getting Closure
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex? Common Assumptions
Fear not! You’re not alone. Many people have dreams about former loves. If you ask your friends or family, the answer doesn’t please you. “You’re not over him (her). When answering, “What does it mean when you dream about your ex,” most opinions ruffle the feathers of your diplomatic soul. Why? It appears as an accusation in disguise!
- “You miss your ex.”
- “You’re still in love.
- “You have unfinished emotional business.”
- “You’re under their thumb.”
- “You’re obsessed!”
While exploring the implications of a dream about your ex, there’s a rule of thumb. Having dreams about someone once important in your life is not always a confession of desire. True, it proves revealing if you’re in denial about lingering feelings. But, dreams of ex lovers may have nothing to do with the ex or the former relationship at all!
Many answers exist when looking into why you are having these dreams. You’ll gain a broader understanding of dream meaning by considering many interpretations. The meaning resonating with you is often the most appropriate interpretation.
Triggers for Dreaming about an Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
When you thought your ex was a thing of the past, here they are cropping up in your nighttime visions. No matter what the dream scenario, one of the most logical reasons for a dream about your ex is you still care for him. Now don’t jump the gun by saying, “Ah… no way lady! Been there, done that, and I’m over it.”
- You’re Not “Over It”: Consider that a part of yourself may not be happy the relationship is over. Feelings linger after a breakup, sometimes for years. Your feelings don’t have to be loving either. You may harbor past emotional hurt if the relationship’s end was bitter. The pain you’ve tucked away remains unresolved and seeks resolution.
- The Lasting Effects of a Long-term Relationship: Consider lengthy relationships have a heavy emotional impact when they come to an end. The longer the relationship, the greater the chance for subconscious feelings and a Dreamtime session where you end up dreaming about your ex. Why? Because the two of you created many memories together. Bits of memory will appear in dreams about the relationship and about things that have no connection in any way.
- Memories as Bits of Dream Data Your subconscious draws from your memory bank when presenting you with Dreamtime narratives. Your ex might be a symbol drawn from your personal symbol databank. If the dreams are positive, the ex might symbolize things like personal growth or acceptance. If the dreams are negative, you might start dreaming about an ex who is a symbol of unresolved issues, stress, or failures.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming about my Ex? Coping with Disappointment
Now let’s look at other reasons you might see that old flame. There’s an obvious reason he’s burning his way through your subconscious! Consider some of these causes for the sudden onset of the dreams about an ex:
- Self-induced and Subconscious Emotional Therapy: Your dreamscape is a realm for emotional exploration. As you dream, your visions play out hurt or angry emotions. What you see is are an effort to find resolution or emotional peace. You are working on past or current emotional hurts in a safe, private environment.
- Fizzled Expectations: Someone with a lot of wisdom once said, “I don’t miss him. I miss who I thought he was.” You went into the relationship with high expectations. He is loving, compassionate, and a gentleman. But, by the end of a bitter break up, he proves to be a far cry from your “knight on a white horse!” The long fall from grace equals a stark crash in expectations. Your grave disappointment brews in your subconscious until your dreams suggest it’s time to address the disenchantment.
- Unsettling Change: When a long-term relationship ends, and your love becomes your ex, it means huge changes. You’ll go through the same emotions you would if you were to experience a major life stressor like moving or getting a new job. Also, if the break up is still fresh, it’s more likely you’ll have a dream about your ex. Stress equals anxiety-invoking dream narratives with your ex in the lead role!
What Does It Mean When I Dream about My Ex: Personalizing Interpretations
Hey, listen, life is rough on all people. We all have days when we are better off crawling back into bed. Remember this tidbit the next time you wake up and the first thing you do is stub your toe on the coffee table. Turn around as fast as possible and put your head back on the pillow. It’s for the best.
When life is rough, dreams about your ex can get rough too. Or, the subconscious can take on a trickster attitude to see how much you can tolerate before you bust a vessel. It’s likely a time when the universe is testing you to the core, right? So, why not some nightmares about that old flame who fizzled out fast?
Consider what’s going on in your waking hours. Are you enduring a lot of stress at work? What about your home life? Are you taking on far more responsibility than you can handle in a situation? If not, consider if you are skirting your responsibilities. Doing so leads to a sense of stress-induced guilt. Stress is a big trigger of bizarre dream narratives. Since your relationship with your ex-girlfriend is over, it signifies stress. Unless you ended on a positive note.
We examined the concept of stress a bit earlier when discussing mourning. Stress triggers in the daylight hours will connect with stressful memories. These memories will play out in the dream realm as you seek a resolution to your suffering. Here, the ex-girlfriend is not your ex-girlfriend at all. She epitomizes everything that’s stressing you to the hilt!
Is a change in the air? When experiencing stressors like moving or changing jobs, prepare for ex-girlfriend dreams. Here the ex signifies the change of a breakup from your past. Your dream of the change in a relationship and changes in waking life are equal concepts. Your subconscious uses the images of the ex-girlfriend to make the dream memorable. It also makes the dream relatable and rich in meaning.
Grief & The Dream About an Ex
Some dreams about exes are “death” dreams or visions exploring the grief associated with dying. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is the famous author and psychiatrist who wrote: “On Death and Dying.” In her work, she presents the five stages of grief. Every person experiences the stages of death when someone dies. The stages in non-sequential order are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When a relationship ends, it’s just like a death.
What dies? Hopes, dreams, expectations, and love. The five stages of grief apply to the end of a committed relationship. You might even explore each level in the dreamscape. Some dreams might force you to wake up feeling the emotional pain fresh and new. Others might allow you to be an observer in the dream. Or, you can watch the dream narrative while still being a safe emotional distance from it. Each stage of death will evoke different dreams about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
- Denial Dreams of an Ex: Denial dreams might show you dream narratives still happy and together with the ex. You might wake up with the bittersweet longing for the good times you once had. Or, these dreams may present with images where the relationship is successful. Denial dreams let you explore “what if” scenarios in the dream realm.
- Angry Dreams of a Former Relationship: Anger narratives might let you explore rage. You might be angry over the unfairness circumstances of the relationship’s end. If your ex was unfaithful, the anger might linger. In the event you were unfaithful, you may be angry at yourself for not remaining committed. Since anything can happen in dreams, your anger parallels the amount of violence in the imagery. You might even see yourself killing off your ex or yourself in dreams of an ex!
The Dream about an Ex Boyfriend Wanting You Back: Healing & Acceptance
As we explore dreaming about exes, we also need to consider the remaining stages of grief. Dreams about an ex wanting you back can show up during a period of mourning. What are you grieving? If losing the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is due to your actions, you might grieve the loss of loyal love. You can also mourn the happier times you spend together. Those memories you push out of your mind while awake, demand attention while you sleep.
- Bargaining Dreams about a Previous Lover: These dreams of a prior beau or girlfriend involve “negotiations.” You might see yourself bargaining with an ex to return to you. Of course, the opposite is true as well, where you dream of an ex wanting you back. Or, you may experience dream scenarios where you are making deals with an authority figure.
- Depression in “Ex” Dreams: Dreams where there is considerable sadness, or dark, gloomy imagery relating to an ex connect to depression. You may still have unspoken sad feelings the relationship is over. A wish fulfillment dream might occur where you find yourself happy in a dream about your ex-boyfriend wanting you back. With depression cropping up in dreams about an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, you may have regrets you cannot change making you melancholy.
- Acceptance Dreams about Exes: When you are accepting of the relationship’s end, you might have dreams where you’re happy with the loss. You’ve cut all emotional ties. Acceptance dreams might come in visions where you are happier with another. The dream of an ex-boyfriend wanting you back might end with you laughing at them or you running away. Please note: the five stages of grief do not have to occur in a linear fashion. Your dreams can be about any of the stages of mourning in any order. Also, every person goes through grief at their own pace.
Recurring Dreams about an Ex Boyfriend: What Repeating Dreams Mean
When it comes to the past, we are creatures that repeat ourselves. In fact, we repeat history even if it is to our detriment to do so. Guy Gravriel Kay says it best with, “Even if we remember the past, odds are good we’ll still repeat it.”
- Coming to Terms with the End Your dreams might let you repeat relationship moments in a safe environment. You might see a series of memories, both good and bad, in the dream scenario. You go over the relationship highlights to identify where things went wrong. Your mind is attempting to learn from past mistakes. It’s also trying to come to grips with why the relationship fails.
- Wishful Thinking There are reasons we repeat the past even if it is only in the dreamscape. Since the past is unattainable, we try to relive some happier moments in our dreams. As a form of wishful thinking, you can spend one more night with the ex-boyfriend. This is true even if he has long since moved on to other relationships.
Now, if you had a negative relationship, your dreams might also serve as a warning. Look at the last few relationships you have had. Do you see a pattern of behavior? Are you repeating the same behaviors? Consider if you are entering relationships destined to go south.
- Are you somehow contributing to the downfall of your relationships?
- Do you engage in acts of self-sabotage?
- Or are you handling emotional issues through your relationships?
You might be trying to solve old relationship issues with your current beau. If you look at every relationship that’s ended with a “been there, done that” attitude, it’s time to dig deeper. Look for the real reason your relationships are crashing down.
If you see the same old patterns cropping up, your dreams are trying to resolve the issue. Your subconscious might point to why your relationships are failing. Think about whether you are repeating the same emotional mistakes in every relationship. Your dreams might suggest it is time to break free from the emotional turmoil.
Why Do I Have Dreams About My Ex Girlfriend Returning? Reflections
Dream about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend stems from different sources. Sometimes your emotions bring up the subject matter while you’re sleeping. In other instances, environmental conditions may cause you to have a visitation from an old love in dreams. Even situations occurring in the present during your waking hours can play out in the dreamscape for exploration. Consider some of the reasons below for the ghostly apparition of your ex to appear in your Dreamtime.
- Triggers: Something or someone in your waking hours reminds you of the ex-boyfriend. It triggers dreams of remembrance. This might happen if you still have unresolved feelings. It can also cause dreams of the relationship if there was a quick or unexpected ending. What remains unresolved now gets the opportunity for you to explore it. It’s time for you to heal the old emotional wounds.
- Comparisons: If you are in a new relationship, dreams of the ex-boyfriend arise. It might be because you are comparing relationships. You might be evaluating good or bad moments or relationship attributes. What you are comparing depends on where you are in the current relationship. Through the process of comparison, you may conclude your current relationship is better than your last. Or, comparison dreams may open your eyes to the need to address issues in an existing relationship.
- Self-Portrayal: Look at dreams of the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend as presenting you with a view of yourself. The dream might signal how you need to do away with negative attributes. It might also suggest the opposite. Consider the need to embrace good attributes your ex symbolizes.
Why You Are Dreaming about Your Ex Girlfriend: Questions to Consider
Many of the meanings behind dreams of an ex-boyfriend also apply to dreams of an ex-girlfriend. If you are dreaming about the ex-girlfriend, make sure you review ex-boyfriend dreams. The meanings can provide more insight. Here we will cover dream meanings not touched on yet. Think about the following questions when those undesirable (or very desirable) dreams of an ex-girlfriend arise.
- Are you remembering your ex-girlfriend in a fond manner or is the dream unsettling? Fond dreams might signify you long for a happier time in your life. You might miss attributes about the person or the big and trivial things the ex would do for you.
- Are you together with the ex-girlfriend in the dream? This dream might show a desire for reunion. It can also be a way for you to replay situations to see how things went wrong. Or, if you are together uncomfortable with the scenario, you might fear an ex-girlfriend’s obsessive behavior.
- Do you still interact with your ex-girlfriend in your waking hours? Interaction with an ex can trigger desirous dreams at night. You might also explore memories of her as you sleep. If you consider rekindling the relationship, but fear rejection, your dreams may play out scenarios exploring the possible outcomes
- What was the environment of the dream narrative? The surroundings you are in when you dream about your ex-girlfriend can give you clues about what your dream means. Are you in a familiar place where you are comfortable? Are you in a place awkward for you because of its newness? Read further as we’ll explore more on how the dream environment reflects on dreams of an ex.
What Does It Mean to Dream about Your Ex & Will It Come True?
We can’t explore dreams about your ex without considering precognition. Yes, dreams of the ex-boyfriend can predict future events. Of course, this is not always the case. Here I should warn you not to confuse with wish-fulling dreams with precognition, either. But, a precognitive dream might occur just before your ex hints at reconciliation.
Remember the precognitive dream is not always about getting back together. You might have a precognitive vision that’s preparing you for your next encounter with your ex. There’s a chance your subconscious is trying to emotionally steel you for the meeting. If you still have serious feelings for the boyfriend, but he doesn’t care, it hurts. Your Higher Mind is trying to ease the blow from a painful emotional encounter in the future.
If you think your dream is precognitive, think about the narrative itself:
- Was the dream logical?
- Did it play out like a scene from real life?
- Were there elements of the dream “extra dramatic” or vivid?
- Did you see the images in vivid colors?
If you answer “yes” to any of the above questions, then the dream might predict future events. If the dream was bizarre, fragmented, or if it was in black and white, it might also be precognitive. But, dreams predicting future events are often linear in the narrative (moving logically from point A to B to C); these dreams are also memorable and vivid. If you’ve had precognitive dreams in the past, you’re more likely to recognize the sensations associated with predictive dreaming.
Please Note: Not every dream is something to take literally. Precognition in dreams happens, but it is not as common as dreams presenting symbolism for interpretation.
Why Do I Keep Dreaming about My Ex Girlfriend: Hope or Obession
Repetitive dreaming about your ex-girlfriend can prove delightful or unsettling, depending on the opinion you have about her. So, she’s your ex, and the relationship has ended. But, that doesn’t always mean the physical attraction goes with it, does it? Of course not! In fact, since the relationship is over, you are more apt to fantasize about your ex-girlfriend. As such, she’ll show up in dreams of wish-fulfillment and sexual fantasies. Why?
Ever hear the forbidden fruit is that which is most tempting? The sheer fact you are no longer with your ex means to fantasize about her is taboo, and yes, tempting! You are awarded full privacy in dreams too. So, it gives you a safe arena for exploration and a few mind-gymnastics or experimentation! But, what happens when you find you are having dreams of the ex-girlfriend while you’re with another?
Imagine the following waking-world scenario; You are out with your friends or a new love interest. You’re watching a movie you’ve already seen, but hey, it’s a great flick, right? And do you remember the last time you saw it? Yup, when you were with your ex. You might not recall until midway through the film. Sometimes you might not remember at all, but if you do, you keep quiet about it!
Then, your secret shows up in your dreams! There’s your ex all over again. You dream of the happier times when you were doing things together. Why? Your memory triggers images of the ex. Then you might have feelings of guilt for thinking about the ex-girlfriend upon waking.
Alternative daytime events can trigger something that reminds you of the girl you were with too. You might see someone with a similar smile, hairstyle, or the same colored contacts. Imagine if you bumped into a stranger in the mall who wore the same clothing. You might have heard a voice from a distance sounding like your ex-girlfriend. Then, wah-lah! You dream about being with her or breaking up with her all over again.
Recurrent Dreams about Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend & Why They Happen
So, you are back into the dating scene after months or years of being with one person. Even for a guy, the dating scene can be an environment of emotional chaos. No matter how you try to hook up with new people, meeting them is not always easy. Recurring dreams of the ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend might crop up because you long for ease and simplicity.
In a committed relationship, you know you have someone there. It may not be perfect or ideal. It may be downright awful. But the person is still there. When you were with your ex, the relationship was predictable. The person was the one you returned to all the time. The dating scene is another monster. It is anything but certain.
Meeting people online always comes with the question of whether the person is who they say they are. You might see a supermodel photo only to meet up with the person who looks nothing like that at all. Or you might meet a serial dater who bounces from one person to another. Heck, you can meet the same kind of people at a local bar or nightclub too. And may the gods help you when someone tosses the corny pickup lines your way!
One night stands suck. When a date stands you up, it sucks. Dates that seem terrific and fizzle fast suck. Dates that look promising only to disappoint stink. Yup, the dating scene is a blast. Feelings of insecurity creep into your daytime thoughts. You question your worth or if you will ever find someone special.
Yes, you may have had tough times with the ex, but you had good times too. So, your dreams retreat to more predictable times. Your desire for more secure moments surges as you see repetitive images of the former love in Dreamtime narratives. There they are, all over again, charming you in your dreams until real-world intrusions wake you. Then the real nightmare begins because it’s Friday night and you’ve got a blind date.
Sex with the Ex Boyfriend: Wishfulfillment or Unresolved Feelings?
Dreams about sex with the ex-boyfriend aren’t always about sex. But, we will start with the obvious first. Now, it might be hard to admit. The relationship is over. But, it doesn’t mean every sexual encounter you had with an ex-boyfriend was all bad, right? Hell, your boyfriend might have been Adonis in bed and an ass outside of the bedroom. Still, it doesn’t mean you’ll forget about all those intimate moments when you were romping away in the hay! If you’re human, which I suspect you are, you’ll think about sex with an ex a few more times in this lifetime. Some of those sexual thoughts creep into the dreamscape.
If you have fond memories of the ex-boyfriend, your dream narratives might rock! It’s okay. A dream realm is a safe place for you to fantasize without having to answer to anyone. Now, what if the sex with your ex was lame? Well, your dreams might be lame too. Or, as dreams might have it, your lame ex-lover might become Mr. Universe! He might be the most amazing lover on the face of the earth! That’s a dream of wish-fulfillment, no doubt!
Why Do I Keep Dreaming about My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend When I’m Over Them?
The dreams of the ex-girlfriend and ex-boyfriend arise followed by the thought of “what fresh hell is this?” You might feel as if the person you left behind is haunting your dreams. But, let’s look past the ex imagery for a second. Look at the actions you are engaging in during the dream. Even a slight change in action can make a difference in how you interpret what you see. Below are a few examples of how your actions change up the dream meaning.
- You’re in the car and driving. Your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is the passenger. Here you are driving the vehicle so you are in empowered to make choices. Your ex sits passenger side. This dream suggests you still carry emotional baggage relating to your ex along with you. But, you have the power to release it.
- You’re in the car and driving. Your new girl is in the passenger seat. Your ex-girlfriend is in the backseat. You are still in power in this dream about your ex and in control of the direction you take. You have your new girlfriend riding passenger as a welcomed part of your life path. But, your old girlfriend in the backseat of this dream signifies old emotional ties. It also signifies she might drag you down. She could be shading your interaction with the new girlfriend.
- You’re in the car and your ex-girlfriend is driving. You ride passenger side. You are allowing a new girlfriend to take the lead in your life. Your subconscious might call this to your attention. Have you done this before? It is reminding you to keep control over your life direction.
- You’re in the car and your new girl drives, your old girlfriend is passenger side, and you’re in the backseat. Now, this is a crazy scene, but dreams can be crazy! Your new girlfriend is driving and in control of your life’s direction. You might give too much in the relationship or expect too little. Your ex-girlfriend rides passenger side as if she is part of the relationship. Here you need to ask yourself if it’s true. Are you allowing old relationships full reign over what happens in new relationships? Are you taking a backseat in your life? Now, there’s something to think about!
The Dream about the Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Life Insights
Now take a moment and consider some environmental changes in the dream. Everything you see and hear in a dream has layers of meaning. The presentation of an ex in a specific environment may prove telling in terms of the message the Higher Mind wants to convey. Consider the following scenarios as examples.
- What if you are driving down the street and the sun is shining? What if it’s raining? The sun lights up the way for better things ahead. Rain usually suggests depressing things to come, moodiness or sadness. The environment in the dream about your ex can reflect mood.
- What if cats and dogs fall from the sky? (Yes, consider the wordplay here!) Okay, this is easy as it is raining cats and dogs. These animals don’t get along too well so it suggests sadness and a lot of arguing. If the animals are getting along, it might suggest that the animals are more civil to one another than you and your ex are!
- What does it mean if you have no brakes and drive straight into a body of water? Water symbolizes emotions. Without brakes, you are out of control. You go headlong into a body of water. Guess what! your emotions about your ex are overwhelming you!
Feelings on Dreaming about an Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend: Examining Your Emotions
As you can see, the slightest changes in the environment or in the action you take can alter a dream meaning. Now add your personal experience to the dream and how the dream feels. Also, add how you feel when you wake up. Throw in feelings you have about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend during waking hours. Then mix in emotions involving your current relationship (if you have one). The latter factors change the interpretation of any dream narrative.
- Feelings of Inadequacy and Fear of New Intimacy:Let’s say your ex-boyfriend has been your ex for several years. You’ve been over him for a long time. You end up in several other non-committal relationships. As any relationship starts getting intimate on an emotional level, you have dreams of the ex. Why?Because you haven’t been this deep in a relationship in a long time. It might stir up fears of inadequacy. It might also bring up hidden fears of being intimate again. These fears might be extreme if the break up with your ex-boyfriend was traumatic.
- The ex-boyfriend becomes a symbol of Past Failure, Hurt, And Pain. He may have known you better than anyone else in the world. You put off becoming serious with anyone for so long. When the chance to get serious arises, it can cause emotional turmoil. The unrest presents itself in a dream scenario. It is there that your subconscious seeks a solution for the emotions you are repressing.
- You’re Still Holding on to the Old Flame: Let’s say your ex-boyfriend broke up with you a couple of months ago. You’ve dated on and off and your finding someone extra attractive. You go the distance and make him a lover. But, you didn’t realize the emotional price tag attached to the act. You see, in this case, you haven’t quite let go of the old relationship.
- You’ve let go and are ready to move on.But, you have, you might feel guilty for recovering so soon. You might judge yourself as being shallow. You might question if you were ever in love with the ex-boyfriend at all. All these questions lead to one huge guilt trip. The guilt is something your mind explores in the dream realm with reminders of the old beau.
Carl Jung On the ‘Why Am I Dreaming About My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend’ Question
Carl Jung is a famous psychoanalyst who worked along with Sigmund Freud. They were close until a falling out (I can imagine the dreams Jung and Freud had after their broken bromance!) Both studied dreams and are the forefathers of dream interpretation in psychoanalysis. Jung suggests the subconscious communicates through archetypes.
What’s that? An archetype is a larger-than-life symbol that has a universal understanding. The symbol might be different when with a cultural reference.
Two archetypes Jung refers to the animus (feminine) and anima (masculine). Jung sought an explanation for why people often feel as if they are missing a part of themselves. He suggests the personality endures fragmentation. This fragmenting separates the anima and animus. To achieve reintegration, the two must reconnect. You can achieve this through the release of emotions you’re suppressing or connecting to emotions we have distanced ourselves from over the course of our lives.
We sometimes allow ourselves to create different dream characters. This allows us to gain a safe distance from emotions and thoughts. We can numb ourselves to needs and desires as we put them into the dream character. We then let these desires run havoc in the dream realm. And here comes your beau from high school into your dream world. Only he’s not your dream man by a long shot. He’s the one that left you roadside when you told him to keep his mitts to himself!
Jung Explains Dreaming about My Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Experiences
If you are dreaming of the ex-girlfriend, she stands for the animus. She is the missing feminine aspects you distance yourself from in your waking life. If you are dreaming of the ex, he is a figure standing for the anima. These dreams are reminding you of this necessary integration. What will you be integrating? The parts of yourself you consider undesirable, dark, or unacceptable. For instance, a male might feel excessive emotional responsiveness is taboo.
A female might feel being tough, assertive, or aggressive might be un-ladylike. But, these darker parts of our selves are core to our beings. They are part of our protective system. It is the place where the flight or fight sense comes. It is the aspect of us from which we find our dark humor. It is the place where some of our softer attributes stem as well.
For a male, it might be the softer, nurturing nature which he views as effeminate. To integrate this aspect of the self is not a weakness as some might see it. It is also not taking on a dark nature. It is the act of embracing who you are completely and mastering control of the entire self.
Dreams that relate to the anima and animus are a stepping stone to self-exploration. One of the greatest accomplishments in this lifetime is to “Know thyself.” This ancient wisdom stems from the ancient Oracle at Delphi. Heavy stuff, right? The reintegration of the psyche is a challenge, but one that leads to a fuller life. With self-acceptance, you have greater empathy and compassion for others.
Why Do You Keep Dreaming about Your Ex: Dealing with Unresolved Business
You can see situations in the dream realm as they unfold. As a dream observer, your emotions do not get in the way of clarity. It allows you to be the passive observer, so you can draw lessons from the dream visions you see. Your job is to interpret and decode the messages the subconscious sends your way. Review some of the possible meanings for dreams about an ex-girlfriend below.
- Reclaiming What You Lost: At first, it might seem when you leave an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend behind, that’s all you’ve lost. As days and weeks pass, you soon find out you’ve lost a lot more than that. You lose the mate as they move on with their lives. You might lose connections to their family too.
If the ending is bitter, you can bet the saying, “blood is thicker than water, usually applies.” This means a disconnect from people you might consider close friends or family. Some people might keep up ongoing communications and relationships with you. Others will separate like Moses parting the Red Sea!
- Severing secondary relationships: It can also have you longing for a chance to communicate with those who you got along with too. A bad ending makes reaching out to your ex’s connections uncomfortable. Or, the attempt to keep the same circle of friends can prove disastrous at its worst.
- Reclaiming What You Lost: At first, it might seem when you leave an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend behind, that’s all you’ve lost. As days and weeks pass, you soon find out you’ve lost a lot more than that. You lose the mate as they move on with their lives. You might lose connections to their family too.
What to do with all this anger, frustration or upset? How do you get over the loss of your ex and some of your close circle of friends? How do you accept the notion some people were never really your friend at all?
Not to worry! Your subconscious is here to save the day! How? By presenting you with nighttime visions of the ex in your dreamscape! Here, you get to explore your feelings in a distanced way. You are one level removed from the experience.
- Deserting Old Haunts: You’ll have places of interest both you and the ex once enjoyed together. Pay a visit to one of these locations and the “old haunt” will sometimes haunt you in your dreams! Yes, we can be haunted by ghosts of the past. The ghosts might be living people or physical locations. Memories flood the conscious mind. You push them away because you know the past is the past. Your subconscious is not so willing to give up the ghost though. At least, not if you haven’t gained a level of true acceptance. Only then will emotional attachment be over.
- Dreams of people you know will strike a chord with you. It makes the scene more engaging. By interweaving memories, the Universe addresses in your own language. It is a language both universal and plentiful in meaning.
Dreaming about the Past and Your Ex: Reliving Experiences & Making Connections
Dreams about your past are meaningful, particularly in relation to where you are in life right now. Your age and life experiences change how you see dream symbols. Thus, the way your Higher Mind conveys meaning to you also changes. Dreams about your exes take on different connotations as you age.
- Dreams of Youth:The person stands for a time free of some heavier responsibilities in life. The person signifies a time where you enjoyed the freedom to live, be, do, and experience things. You might have a wish-fulfilling dream to return to a more carefree period in your lifetime. The period the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend reminds you of in your nighttime dreams.
- Dreams through the Lens of Experience: These dreams can also be wishful as you’re hoping to recapture youth. Or, it could mean you long for a new or current partner who acts youthful and carefree like a former love once did. When you are older, the dream the ex might arise when you are experiencing a life crisis. or relationship issue. Again, the desire for a carefree existence comes to mind. When in late adulthood, you might turn to dreams of an ex in wonder. You might dream of what it would have been like if you were to have married the person or have children with them. Your subconscious might revisit old hurts to show you how far you’ve come too. Also, the dream of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend might be a gift from your subconscious as you explore happier memories.
Dreams of Having Sex with an Ex: Wish Fulfillment & Experimentation
There are several ways this dream can roll out the red carpet. For instance, the youthful view of a dream might be about having intense sex with plenty of moves to boot. We’re talking every move in the Kama Sutra and then some not even thought of (because that can happen in a dream for sure!).
This dream of an ex might fall under the category of fantasy or wish fulfillment. If you are an adventurer in the bedroom, it might be some intense memories lighting up the dreamscape! (Lucky you!) The dream might be a longing to return to the sexual partner who was so satisfying. Well, at least satisfying between the sheets, anyway.
Another youthful sex with the ex-dream might be one on an emotional level. The person dreaming of the ex longs for the sweet intimacy once shared with an ex. Also, in a complete reversal, the person might have thought of the ex as a lousy lover (Hey, it happens!). Here, the dream reminds the person of a lack of intimacy or physical connection. These dreams translate into a message of meaningful missing in your life.
Now, let’s check out a dream of sex with the ex from an older adult. We can even throw in someone elderly into the mix to spice up the example! (And yes, it happens too! The elderly have dreams of ex-flames and sex as well. But, don’t expect Grandma to be chatting up about it at the dinner table. Unless you are living a life mirroring the family in The Nutty Professor.
The physical limitations of the body as we age might push Kama Sutra style dream imagery right off the menu. (Or not. Guess it might depend if your dream accommodates you. You might escape pain from real-life arthritis or the limitations using a walker!). Could be an interesting dream that’s all I’m sayin’.” Instead, sex dreams with an ex might have to do with questions of inadequacy in the bedroom.
If physical issues hinder a person’s ability to have relations, the dream might be fulfilling a wish. The person might long for the return of a stronger libido or a healthier state of being. In fact, the act of sex can relate to physical strength. It can also relate to a person’s sense of power in a relationship.
Dreams About Sex with the Ex Girlfriend: Getting Closure
So, you’ve seen to dream of the ex-girlfriend or boyfriend shares similar meanings in the dream realm. The same goes with interpreting dreams of sex with the ex-girlfriend. Many of the interpretations you might derive from such a dream scenario can relate to dreams of an ex-beau as well. Keep it in the back of your mind as you examine a few more things dreams about sex with an ex-girlfriend can reveal.
So, you deny having any feelings for the ex-girlfriend you dream about. You’ve searched your soul and know for sure you have no emotional attachment to the girl anymore. Or, so you think. Listen, we aren’t talking about being in love here. This is not even to suggest you like your ex-girlfriend. You might equate her to Cruella De Vil (Nice play on the word “Devil” Disney!) or Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s of no consequence. The fact that you refer to her as anything at all suggests you feel something toward her.
- You Need Closure: Now let’s stretch this example further. Imagine the ex gave you the cold “Dear John” text. (Yes, it’s a modern spin on the “Dear John letter” where she says goodbye through a simple SMS message. Then, Bingo! You’re blocked on Facebook! No wonder you still have aggression stewing underneath calm demeanor!
You didn’t have time to ask what was wrong. You didn’t have time to defend yourself, beg for forgiveness, or to make things right again. Heck, you didn’t even have a chance to tell her to go squat! She cut off all communication with you. She left you with your reaction and the with on courtesy of a response. Hence, the nightmares you have about killing her off when you dream at night!
Refusal to Move On: Okay, in your waking hours your girlfriend walked out on you. You are begging her for another chance, but she makes it clear she’s had enough. She moves on. You don’t. Instead, you talk to your family about her. You talk to your friends about why she might have left. You ask all her friends if she’s been talking about you. Then you attempt to bump into her in public whenever you can do so. You call her and leave voice messages. They go unanswered. Texts go unacknowledged. Now you are sitting up alone at night with no lights on. The glow of the computer screen is casting a sinister shade of light on your face. You are peering at every single Facebook post she’s made since she walked out that door.
Now ask, “Why are you dreaming of sex with your ex-girlfriend?” You’ve got a clear issue with moving on from the relationship. You weren’t ready for it to end. The sex dream allows for some time to be with her again. Although a tad torturous on the emotions one might think! Your refusal to move on with your life is playing out in your dreams. You’re apt to have more dreams of similar content until you let go and let be. You’ll be far happier when you do.
- Dreaming of the Ex Girlfriend or Ex Boyfriend and Regrets: Ah… the famous last word: It feels good, right? Of course, it does! That’s why so many people are the frowned upon “right fighter.” That final word in an argument or the last person to put in that “zinger” before the door slams is a poisonous point. If you are the one clinging to the final word with pride, you’ll swallow your own poison too. Sure, it might feel great to be in the right. People will back you up on what you are saying. You’re justified somehow when you have the last word. You think if you left your lover speechless, you have won the verbal war. The victory doesn’t last. But, there is one fatal thing that’s even worse than the final word…The failure to admit you are wrong and the refusal to say two simple powerful phrases: “I’m sorry,” and “Please, forgive me.”
Think about the last words you had with your ex? Were you a right fighter? Did you have the last word and walked away feeling someone holier than thou? Do a double take on that feeling now. If you’re seeing your ex in your dreams, it’s time to put down the swords of battle. How about asking for forgiveness and offering the same? Yes, it is hard to say, “I am sorry.” They write songs about it for a reason! But, you can bet your subconscious will gnaw at you until you step up and do the right thing the second go around!
Be a big enough person to apologize. Be an even better person and accept an apology given. Remember, you had intimate moments with this person. You might have even been deeply in love with your ex at one time. Take these feelings into consideration. Recognize the ex is another human being capable of love and deserving of forgiveness. Holding on to bitterness will only poison your own life and toxify your dreams with images you want to put to rest.
Dreams About Exes: Search Yourself Feelings
To dream about your ex might be pleasant or unsettling. But, I bet you didn’t have a clue it could mean so much! As you can see, the symbolism of dreams is not cut and dry in meaning. Whether of exes or other people and places in your life, the language of dreams allows for unique meaning. Personal interpretation is the only means of decoding the messages with success if your dreaming of prior loves! For more hints on how to decode dreams or to learn dream meanings, check out more the rest of this website. There’s a ton of fascinating dream-related material here on BuildingBeautifulSouls.com!
One thought on “What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex?”
When I dreamt about my ex there was no feeling associated. Is that a good thing?